Is assisted living for introverts?

Is Assisted Living a good option for an introvert?

When we begin to plan and organize the future of an older adult or family member many questions arise as to the suitability of an assisted living community and the lifestyle it offers.  We know how important the right match can be. There will need to be a great adjustment no matter how good the fit.  But many people will reject assisted living as an option if they are dealing with a parent who is not sociable or has become withdrawn.  They may feel their parent would feel out of place in such surroundings.

Many adult children describe their parents as “loners” or “not very social.”  It may seem that way to family members; especially if they have not been in continuous contact with their parent.  Some elderly people become withdrawn after losing a spouse.  Some are downright reclusive if they are fearful of the future or have lost the social support system of their past.  And it is true that some people are not naturally friendly or talkative.  They may enjoy solitude and solitary activities like reading or crossword puzzles.  If a senior has been shy and quiet her whole life she may be quite comfortable that way.  Few are likely to change after 85 years.

Is assisted living a good option for this person?  Well, that depends a lot upon the individual community.  It is actually easier to remain anonymous or solitary in a large community.  You can seek friendship when you need it and solitude when you don’t.  Activities within an assisted living community take place in a variety of settings.  The schedule will include group activities of all sizes.  Some take place in the building and some involve outings or bus trips.  In a smaller community with fewer residents each person is noticed a bit more throughout daily social activities.

The important thing to remember is that assisted living is not “day camp.”  No one is forced to take part in anything.  We do know that social activity, even if it’s just two meals daily in the dining room, can lead to increased quality of life and better health.  If you feel your loved one would benefit from increased social activity be sure to let the staff know how you feel.  They can encourage greater participation in social events.

On occasion, a quiet, withdrawn person may be transformed by an assisted living experience.  Some spouses, when widowed, find a new “sense of self” on their own.  Some may have become withdrawn while caring for a partner or suffering through an illness.  Once well, or unencumbered, they may blossom into the sociable beings they were previously.  An assisted living community will afford them the opportunity to relate to other seniors who have had similar life experiences.

One group that seems to come out of seclusion in assisted living are the veterans of WWII.  Others are the avid sports fans and the Boeing alumnae.  Many communities form support groups around a chronic illness like Parkinson’s Disease. And then there are the gardeners, the puzzle champions, the knitters and the card players.  It’s amazing what happens to a “loner” when a fourth is needed to play bridge.