How Frequently Should I Visit?

How Frequently Should I Visit?

When a family member or friend first moves into an assisted living or care community, people tend to want to visit frequently.  Anxiety, fear and guilt may cause family members to be overly diligent during the first one to three months after a loved one makes this big move.  Keep in mind that the older adult is going to have new interactions and experiences with other people other than just family members and friends.

If you have been visiting the older adult daily as they have been becoming frailer, then you may at first consider visiting daily or every other day.  If you’ve been visiting only weekly and you decide to visit daily when the older adult first moves, they may become overly dependent upon your visit and not take the necessary steps to integrate well into the community.

Your intent for future visits should also dictate the frequency of your visits during the first thirty to ninety days of a move.  If your intent is to visit once every two weeks in the future, then it may be wise to start off from the very beginning with following your plan.

Managers and staff of assisted living communities are accustomed to helping with the transition period, and they are aware of what needs to happen to be of greatest help to an older adult.  If a family member has dementia, it’s even more important to communicate with the staff.  Many times family members feel that their frequent visits or willingness to take the older adult out for an outing is helpful to the older adult.  Unfortunately, certain types of dementia cause a person to become disoriented and more anxious from frequent changes.  It is not unusual for people with dementia to at some point be disinterested in the world outside of where they are living.

Family members and friends who visit a person with dementia may also wish to visit more frequently to help monitor the care and interaction the staff is giving to the person.  People who are no longer able to communicate their needs are more at risk for being overlooked; however, it is also important to recognize that when you visit an older adult with dementia, the caregivers will tend to give you your private space.  It may be easy to get the impression that the older adult is being ignored, when in fact; you are being given privacy to have a personal interaction with your family member or friend.  If you need help from a caregiver at any time during a visit, simply ask for assistance.  It is not wise for a family member to help transfer a frail adult or to help with other care needs.  A trained caregiver who knows the unique needs of the older adult should be alerted that help is needed.

Visiting should be based on what works best for the older adult and not based on the needs of the family member or friends.  Keep in mind that the older adult may not have the stamina for lengthy visits, and because of pain, frailty and a tendency of humans to enjoy a routine, your visit may not necessarily be as wanted or needed as you may perceive.  You may find that visits which are short in duration are more effective than longer visits.  Many older adults begin to experience a shift in energy after the first half hour of interaction.  Taking note of the person’s body language is important, as they are not likely to ask you to leave, and they may not even be aware that they are growing tired from your visit.

We all benefit from human interaction.  When you visit, be certain to touch the older adult; if they are open to you holding their hand or placing your hand on their shoulder.  Ask the older adult if you may hug them, as they may experience pain and not tell you this.  Sometimes holding a hand or simply placing your shoulder against an older person’s should can give them more positive energy than having a long discussion.

Perhaps the most uncomfortable aspect of visiting with an older adult who is physically frail or who has memory loss is the unusual experience of silence.  In our fast-paced world, we are not accustomed to it.  For older adults, silence is not necessarily a bad thing.  When visiting, it is not necessary to hold a continuous conversation.  The purpose of your visit should be to share love and energy with the person you are visiting.  To communicate your love does not require words.  The mere fact that you are there is extremely meaningful to an older adult.