Fear Can Cause Us To Procrastinate

CHOICE has been helping older adults and their families for over twenty years now. Over the years we’ve witnessed changes in consumer preferences, especially regarding elder care, and how providers of services for seniors have adapted to those changing preferences. One thing that hasn’t changed is that people procrastinate. They wait far too long to arrange for in-home care or to move to retirement or assisted living.

Here are some reasons why we believe people wait:

• Aging is a slow and gradual process. On a day to day basis, older adults themselves as well as their families might not notice changes related to aging. To be aware of the aging process it is necessary to take a step back and look at time in two to five year increments – only then do the changes become apparent to most people.
• Not everyone ages in the same way. Appearance has little to do with the physical aging process and the possibility of decline in mental capabilities is not dependent on appearance in any way. Our society tends to “judge a book by its cover” in this way. If a person appears to be older, we instantly assume that they are “old”. A much better indication of chronological age is the person’s energy level. There are people who are over 90 years old plus who are far more energetic than some recent retirees.
• For most people money is a very real, and often very complicated issue. If someone is 70 years old, they may live another 20 or 30 or more years. It’s understandable that a person who is now retired will want to be very careful with their money. There are three major personality archetypes that often complicate the process of saving
  • The Savers:People in their 80s, 90s and 100’s tend to be extremely cautious with their money. Some remember vividly the Great Depression; they’re aware that the economy changes, and that there are no financial guarantees in life. These are the type of people who need reassurance and a thorough understanding of the costs of their care compared to their income. These people are not risk takers and are always saving for the proverbial rainy day.
  • The Legacy Desire:A common sentiment among elders in a family is they want to help their descendants by leaving a financial legacy. Unfortunately, we often see older adults who forgo services and assistance they really need in hopes of holding on to some money to give to their children or grandchildren.
  • The Denial Group:I’m not getting older, but all of my friends sure are! This is a common thought among older adults, even highly frail people. The issue with denial is that age will always catch up with you. With older adults there is a tendency to procrastinate, to delay making decisions, arranging for in-home services, or resist making a move to a senior community. Usually though, the majority of people who finally make the choice and get the help they really need or make the move are quick to say, “I wish I would have done this years ago I’m not sure why I waited so long!”

Three other major deterrents are: Misperception, Stuff and Fear.

• Misperception:Transitioning from being in the lifelong family home, or having in-home services come to help, is often perceived by older adults as a sign of weakness. Adult children often think very differently from their parents; they view in-home care or retirement and assisted living services as a welcomed luxury. Who wouldn’t want someone to cook and clean for them? Fortunately, once people do accept the support, they tend to absolutely love the help and value the companionship.
• Stuff:For some people, this is the biggest issue they face. We accumulate, save, and gather treasures over the course of our lives. People who are attached to or particularly fond of their possessions, face an extra challenge in making the decision to make a physical move. It takes time and energy to make decisions about what we want done with our possessions and important memorabilia. We all know we shouldn’t allow material stuff to get in our way, but it can. We can’t reasonably take all of our possessions with us when moving to Assisted Living, so there are decisions that must be made.
• Fear:There many fears that older adults have centered on change, acceptance of services, and the environment of the living setting itself. Most of these fears are unfounded or based on perceptions of senior care settings of fifty years ago; but fear is a natural response to change, and that is a reality we must face.
  • Fear of loss:Any time we as humans lose something there is a fear in that – whether this loss is money, privacy, or independence. It’s easier to see what we’re giving up rather than to be realistic about what we’re gaining, and what needs we might have.
  • Fear of making the wrong decision:When making the decisions to make a move or get in home services, many people become paralyzed by fear of making the wrong choice. Breaking the move down into small steps, as well as having and sticking to an established timeline is very helpful in handling doubt and fear of making a mistake. Agencies such as CHOICE are very valuable in helping with this. Providing resources to move ahead as well as handling unfounded fears can be useful under ideal circumstances and lifesaving under worse conditions.
  • Fear of not liking it:The reality of this fear is that, while there might be regret after having in home care services come or moving to an Assisted Living community, those fears fade away over time as a new routine is established.
  • Fear of fitting in:Being the “new kid on the block” where everyone already knows each other is an intimidating experience no matter how old you are. The good news is that all of the people living in the senior community have already gone through this process. The other residents will want to help a new person fit in and establish a routine. That being said new residents will still need to put forth the time and energy to socialize, but it is well worth it.
  • Fear of giving up:When in-home services are sought out or an older adult moves into Assisted Living, older adults sometimes view this as “giving up” or the final step in their life journey. However that is just one perspective and making the choice to leave your home or seek out in-home services just opens up new opportunities. People who move out of their homes or seek out services with the view that this another adventure in life often do much better than those who feel like they didn’t have a choice in the matter.

Every year an estimated twenty thousand people in our community arrange for in-home care services or to make a move to a senior community. You are not alone.

CHOICE Advisory Services is a FREE senior care referral agency.

We help define the options that will be of greatest interest to you.

call 7 days a week: 800-361-0138 or email us at bestcare@choiceadvisory.com